THE PORTAL IN THE CANDY FLOSS
One day there was two girls called TJ and Lucy. TJ was a tomboy and Lucy was a girl who LOVED adventures and they were going to the fair. tjs mum going to. tj thought she was so embarrassing because she was wearing a hat that looked like a BANANA and it was yellow. anyway they were going to the fair Finally they got there mum said "we are finally here what ride do you guys want to go on first . "hmm well we should go on the banana ride"said tj "hey! tj" said mum giggling which it" so they went on the first ride they saw. which was the most random ride in the world it was called the candy ride. " weird name" said tj "yeah" said mum and Lucy at the same time. "ginks!" said mum so they all hopped in to this cart first they went through candy town they were just about to go in to candy city and they they went down a different track " weird I thought we were suppose to go down to candy city." Said tj " I think it is weird to. Do you Lucy" Said mum "so do I" said Lucy. So they were carried down the weird track in
Silence. Mmm thought mum why is there a sign that says loopy loos city for bad candy. Tj and
Lucy were thinking the same thing. They carried on they could hear shouts and cries of pain
"I don't like it here" said mum. "Let's be quiet so we have lease change of being spotted."
So they were is silent as can be except at the end of the ride which was loud tj ,Lucy and mum were
Sacred. They had quit signs that meant follow me so they were ready. Tj did her sign because she saw something move form a giant mansion. So they crept up into the giant
Garden. Funny thought tj the garden is in a shape of a BANANA random the Person must like bananas. The others was thought the whole garden was yellow double random. Tj looked up and saw a lady
hang out the window she was wearing yellow and wear a YELLOW hat just like MUMS. how in embarrassing. anyway on to the story the lady was singing a rock song when everybody in the BANANA shape garden could tell it wasn't a very good place for a rock song suddenly lucy did her sing mum and tj followed lucy down this weird looking track. on and on they traveled."how long does this track go on?" shouted tj "shush" said lucy. finally they came to a door it was locked."well done lucy" said mum and tj" a locked door." lucy just did her follow sing so tj and mum followed lucy to a window.
Lucy were thinking the same thing. They carried on they could hear shouts and cries of pain
"I don't like it here" said mum. "Let's be quiet so we have lease change of being spotted."
So they were is silent as can be except at the end of the ride which was loud tj ,Lucy and mum were
Sacred. They had quit signs that meant follow me so they were ready. Tj did her sign because she saw something move form a giant mansion. So they crept up into the giant
Garden. Funny thought tj the garden is in a shape of a BANANA random the Person must like bananas. The others was thought the whole garden was yellow double random. Tj looked up and saw a lady
hang out the window she was wearing yellow and wear a YELLOW hat just like MUMS. how in embarrassing. anyway on to the story the lady was singing a rock song when everybody in the BANANA shape garden could tell it wasn't a very good place for a rock song suddenly lucy did her sing mum and tj followed lucy down this weird looking track. on and on they traveled."how long does this track go on?" shouted tj "shush" said lucy. finally they came to a door it was locked."well done lucy" said mum and tj" a locked door." lucy just did her follow sing so tj and mum followed lucy to a window.
Hi! TJ.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading the story especially the bit about the banana hat - I can just imagine a bright yellow hat! I found that the lack of punctuation was a bit distracting as without the full stops and capitals it made your ideas run into each other. This would be a great focus area for your writing as you need punctuation in any writing activity you do.